


Just Like James Bond

by ShortForPhill



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Kidnapping, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mute!Tony, but it’s brief, just so much fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:55:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShortForPhill/pseuds/ShortForPhill
Summary: Tony runs a small coffee shop conveniently near Natasha's latest assignment. Fluff ensues.
Relationships: Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark
Comments: 21
Kudos: 75





	1. Meet Cute

Tony scowls as his least favorite customer comes through the door. Justin Hammer is as sleazy as they come, and he always talks down to the staff. Today he’s accompanied by a beautiful redhead, who appears to be hanging on to his every word.  
“You there, iced coffee, stat!” Hammer snaps his fingers at Tony. Tony’s glad he inherited his mother’s infinite patience. The woman clears her throat and bats her eyelashes at Hammer.  
“And whatever the lady wants,” Hammer amends.  
“Oh, there’s so many choices!” she says, all exaggerated and sweet. Tony’s pretty sure people don’t actually talk like that, but he can’t talk at all so whatever.  
“Just use my card, babe. I’ll grab us a table.”  
“Oh thank you!”

The minute Hammer is out of earshot, the woman drops her act.  
“What an ass,” she grumbles. “I’m surprised you haven’t banned him.” Tony shrugs, then rubs his fingers together. Money is money.  
“In that case, you should definitely charge me for the most expensive thing you have.” Tony likes the way she smirks when she suggests it. He hands her a menu and points to the item in question. It’s some sort of monstrosity with whipped cream and too many flavor shots.  
“Perfect. Can I get a chai latte for the price of this abomination?” He nods. He taps out the orders on the register, then turns the screen to show the price. She hands him the card and stuffs cash into his tip jar as he rings her up.  
“Thanks,” she says slipping back into character, “You’re so sweet.” As Tony watches her walk away he can’t help but be in awe of her skills. Anyone that good at acting deserves an award.


	2. Doodles

Natasha is not in the habit of forming habits. That’s how spies get caught. But ever since her mission at Hammertech, she keeps returning to the nearby cafe. The barista - whose name, she learns, is Tony - might be her new favorite person. In lieu of conversation, he doodles on her napkins.

First is a small spider, with the words “eat him” underneath, in surprisingly nice handwriting. She panics a bit, thinking her cover is blown, but Tony just smiles and goes back to work. She digs into Tony’s background and finds nothing suspicious.

Next is a cartoon Hammer, crying in jail about iced coffee. Tony waggles his fingers in the air like confetti.

“I had nothing to do with that,” she says. Tony grins. His eyes actually sparkle, which is a thing Natasha didn’t think a human could do. She checks with Clint, who assures her that normal humans don’t have big brown sparkle eyes.

Clint accompanies her to the cafe the next time she goes. It turns out Tony knows sign language, which is a problem when Clint accidentally insults him. The two get into a heated argument that ends with Clint guzzling a whole pot of coffee to make a point. He is promptly banned from the shop.

“That’s fair,” Natasha shrugs. Tony draws Clint as a pelican. Clint’s indignant squawk is her new ringtone for weeks.


	3. Supervillain

Tony thinks he’s seen everything after Natasha’s (her name is Natasha!) disaster friend drank an entire pot of coffee. Then an actual evil spy walks in to his shop. The man has a big swishy coat and an eyepatch and a lady minion in a stupid uniform.

“Tony Stark,” the evil spy says, “Nice place you got here.” Tony scowls. He holds out some menus. “One black coffee,” the spy says.

“I could use a muffin,” the minion adds. “Do you have blueberry?” Tony nods. He rings them up and flips the screen around. The spy hands over exact change. Tony signs something obscene in reply. The spy doesn’t react, but the minion laughs.

“Come on, Nick,” she says as she stuffs some bills in the tip jar, “Not everything is a conspiracy.”

“Hmmph!” Nick replies.

Tony hands Nick his coffee cup with radiation symbol stickers all over it. He’s prepared to watch this super villain drink every last drop, but then Natasha walks through the door.

“Tony!” she greets him, shooting a glare at Nick. “They’re not giving you any trouble, right?” He shakes his head and pats the register.

“Good. You should’ve charged him extra for the stickers.”

“Are you James Bond?” he signs. She smirks.

“Does that make you my Bond girl?” Tony flushes. He slides her a napkin with his phone number on it.

“I like Italian,” he signs.


	4. First Date

Natasha has never been on a Real Date. This is a problem.  
“It’s not a problem,” Clint disagrees, “You’ve been on dates before.” She disregards his advice. Tony is not a mark or a target. He is precious and must be protected. Also, he probably won’t appreciate destabilizing a dictatorship together until the third date. Natasha bets he’s classy like that. 

She picks a small authentic Italian restaurant that Agent 13 describes as “medium fancy” and a dress that Coulson vets as having “not too much boob”. She steals some hazard labels from SHIELD’s chem labs, because Tony was saving his radiation stickers for Halloween until Fury came to the cafe. The lab nerds do not stop her; they know better.

Tony is waiting for her outside the restaurant, in a nice red button down shirt and black slacks that hug his perfect ass. He even gelled his hair (with limited success). He rocks back and forth on his feet, hands jammed into his pockets. He waves when he sees her, and his smile lights up his whole face. 

“I got you these,” Natasha says once they’re seated, and presents him with the stickers.  
“Real?” he signs.  
“Yes. I stole them from work.” Tony bounces up and down a little, clutching the stickers to his chest, like it’s the best gift ever. He folds them very carefully and puts them in his pocket.  
“I want to save them for special occasions,” he signs.  
“I would kill for you,” Natasha announces. Tony turns bright pink, and looks unreasonably flattered.

At the end of the night, Tony kisses her cheek and hands her a drawing on actual paper. It shows Fury yelling next to a giant laser, as Natasha saves a bikini-clad Tony.  
“I’m framing this,” she declares.


	5. Pierogis

Natasha, Tony discovers, travels a lot for work. A lot. She brings him coffee from around the world and knows where all the “authentic” restaurants are in the city. She takes him to eat Indian food that’s so good he cries. Ok, that might be because it’s too spicy.

“You’ve never been able to handle spicy food,” Jarvis reminds him during their monthly video call.  
“But she’s so exciting!” Tony protests. “How do I keep up?”  
“You don’t have to,” Jarvis explains. “You can be like me and Ana. She was exciting enough for both of us.” Jarvis is right. He’s always right.

Tony takes Natasha to the Ukrainian market, where the babas all pinch his cheeks and call him “Anton” and insist he’s too skinny. It turns out Natasha speaks Ukrainian. He doesn’t know what she says, but he leaves the market with double his usual order of pierogis and a suspicious amount of smug looks from the regulars.

“What did they say?” he asks as they walk back to his apartment.  
“Don’t worry about it,” Natasha shrugs. “You got extra pierogis for free.”  
“I do like pierogis.”

They sit on Tony’s shitty couch and watch spy movies and eat pierogis until they can’t move. Natasha insults the characters and Tony draws Nick Fury as increasingly stupid Bond villains.  
“I’m going to wallpaper his office with these,” Natasha informs him. Tony grins.   
“I want proof,” he signs.  
“Deal.”


	6. Kidnapped

Natasha returns from a mission to learn that Tony has been kidnapped. A ransom video has been sent to SHIELD, demanding Natasha in exchange. After Natasha terrorizes the baby agents into giving her every scrap of information they have, she sets out to rescue him.

The villain has Tony in an abandoned warehouse on the edge of the city. He paces around Tony, who is tied to a chair in the center of the room. Natasha creeps along the rafters.  
“I’ll have my revenge, one way or another!” he crows. Tony squirms in his seat. With his hands tied, he can’t communicate. The villain grabs Tony by the hair and leans in close.  
“You better hope your girlfriend shows up,” he sneers. “I’d hate to ruin a pretty face like yours.” Tony sniffs, eyes wide as a tear rolls down his face.

“I’m going to kill you extra hard for that,” Natasha announces as she drops down behind the villain. He turns, and she knocks him out with a punch to the face. She signals for the SHIELD team she brought along to deal with the rest as she tends to Tony.

Tony looks at her like she hung the moon. He has a black eye and a split lip, but no other injuries. The minute she frees his hands, he grabs her face and pulls her into a kiss.  
“Are you okay?” she asks. Tony nods.  
“You’re here,” he signs. He offers her a shaky smile.

Natasha pulls him to his feet only to notice that he’s barefoot.  
“They took my shoes,” Tony signs with a pout.  
“I’m sure we have extra in the van,” Natasha offers. “Want me to carry you?” Tony shakes his head, though his cheeks turn pink at the suggestion.

A groan alerts them to the villain, who is now being led away in handcuffs. Tony scowls. He stomps over, bare feet thwapping across the concrete floor. Natasha gestures for the agents to pause. 

Tony signs furiously at the villain, who doesn’t understand any of it. Then he knees the villain in the balls. He turns his nose up at the villain and stomps out to the SHIELD van.

“We’re going home,” Natasha informs Coulson as he directs the cleanup. “You can debrief us later.”  
“Take a few days off as well,” he suggests. Tony clomps over in borrowed boots a size or two too big.  
“Home?” he signs.  
“Home,” Natasha nods. Tony smiles, and Natasha figures she’s already home.


End file.
